i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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