it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize