i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
