I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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