She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
