i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
