So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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