I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
