Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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