Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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