totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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