Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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