True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
