Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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