HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
