My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
