the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
