Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
