Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
