OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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