This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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