he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
