you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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