I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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