Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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