my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
