I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
