You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize