I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize