did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
