this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
