you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
