So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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