The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
