lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
