I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
