You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
