So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
