i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
