Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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