he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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