3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
