hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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