and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
