Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
