i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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