clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
