i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
