Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
