His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
