"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize