worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
