Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
