I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
