I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
