She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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