i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
