Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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