i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
