I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize