I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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