I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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