And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
