"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
