If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
