Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
