I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
