The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
