so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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