The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The Olympian is in my bed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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