She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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