How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
