I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
