Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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