my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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