oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
