I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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