you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
