its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
