Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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