She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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