i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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