I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
