you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
