Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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