There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
