Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
