So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
