hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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