no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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