I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is the high leading the old right now
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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