I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
