Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
