Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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